Back Tracking

This week I kind of… back tracked I guess you can say. My whole life was moving forward and sadly I went backwards.
You see ever since I can remember I have been doing plays. I always loved preforming, whenever I made someone feel something they weren’t feeling before I would feel accomplished. When I played Aunt Sadie in My Favorite Year and made everyone laugh, I was ecstatic. When I played M’Lynn in Steel Magnolias and made each audience member cry I had never been more pleased with myself. And at that time I felt as though it was what I was supposed to do. Touch people in a way that made their emotions run crazy. But whenever I was off of the stage, practicing and reciting, it was awful. The group I was with was filled with drama, they were all nice people, but we had been with each other for far too long. Plus I never felt like I belonged. I tried to though. I forced myself to like someone in the cast, which ended up being the worst decision of my life. But because of that decision, I found out how much I really didn’t fit in with any of them.
I started noticing that the only thing any of us had in common was our love for preforming. Besides that I was the only one who read constantly, the only one who was old fashion, and the only one who dressed in clothes that were from an older time period. I remember thinking I was just different. So I decided to write about it. I had always loved telling stories, so why not try writing them all down? And that was how I discovered my love of writing. Within no time at all I found a school for writers and sent my work to them.
I remember when I first met my class mates I found they weren’t like me either. They were all quiet, while I—got excited easily. But that didn’t stop me from finding out we had almost everything in common, the reading, the time periods, the imaginations. For the first time I ever I felt like I belonged. And for the last year my life has been perfect. My writing has improved immensely and I feel as though I have finally discovered the true me. But when the year ended I was depressed and bored. No one who went to my school lived near me and I was all alone. I wrote of course, keeping in touch with everyone, but I still need to hang out with someone. So I back tracked.
Yup. You guessed it, I rejoined the drama group. Even though I am having fun, I feel as though I am letting myself down. I was moving forward, making something of my life and there I was signing up for something that had nothing to do with my future. I am not saying I never want to do plays again. But I don’t want to preform until I can get something published. Until I get my dream started.
So get ready guys, this summer is going to be a clash of the old and the new.